Advice to Parents
from the Edgar Cayce information

PARENTAL INFLUENCES ON CHILDREN

There is extensive information in the readings for parents-to-be. Strong emphasis is placed on preparation for children–physically, mentally, and spiritually. Even before conception important influences are being created by the thoughts and purposes of both partners. The reason for wanting to be parents should ideally be more than just for pleasure or for carrying on the family name. It should include a genuine desire to be of service to God.

By the attitude of the parents, by their purposes, and by all the physical conditions which they will bring to the child (including genetics as well as the physical environment), a particular soul is drawn to that particular set of parents. The mother and father create the conditions, and a soul is attracted to them because it suits the situations that it needs for its own growth and purposes.

This explanation does not mean that the conditions created before birth by the parents predestine the child to a particular future. Each soul still has free will. Rather, the type of home and physical body provided by the parents create a unique opportunity for a particular soul to incarnate.

The principle, then, is this: Your child has come to you because there was something needed and right for him or for her to grow spiritually. The opportunity is there in the home, but it must be worked with and recognized by all concerned.

There is also considerable information in the readings about pregnancy. The mother especially is very influential in the creation of the mental state of the child. By what she thinks, reads, watches on television, and so forth, we can assume that she is “feeding” or giving nourishment to the mental outlook of the child to be born. Of course, physical care during pregnancy is also crucial, with proper diet and periodic osteopathic adjustments as important considerations.

THE TRAINING PROCESS

Of special interest to most all parents, once the child is born, is how to go about training. There are at least two key features of the readings’ approach. First, to train by precept (i.e., principles you would tell the child) and example (i.e., principles you would live as a demonstration). Second, parents must train their children how to make decisions and evaluations. The emphasis should be upon the Christ as the standard the child will try to use in judgments and dealings .“with every problem, good, bad or indifferent, that arises within his experience.” (1125-3)

Of course, in the training process it is very important not to break the will of the child. A helpful technique in this regard is to say “do” as frequently as possible instead of “don’t.” Presumably this would mean that if your child were doing something you did not like, you should correct the child by saying what it is you want him or her to do rather than focusing on what it is you don’t want the child to do. There are, no doubt, instances in which this principle would be hard to apply; but as an ideal to work toward, it is helpful in child training.

The readings also warn against forcing issues. To do so is to slowly break the will of the child, a matter probably far more serious in the long run than the issue that is being disputed. The readings do suggest the use of discipline, although the cases we have are individual ones, and we must remember that each child has unique needs. The following passage is a good example of the advice from the readings regarding discipline:

Q. Often will have to tell her [ten-year-old daughter] the same thing, two, three, four, six times before she pays any attention to what you are correcting her for. Is that inattention, stubbornness, or what?

A. DO NOT make so many corrections! Make it once and then let it [the child] pay the price for same! Not in punishments as in bodily punishments, but rather the denial of things that are liked!  608-10

In another example regarding whether or not to discipline a twelve-year-old son about homework, the reading stated:

If you make a game of it, it’s very well! It you make it a burden, it’s not so good!  1519-4

We should not necessarily take this suggestion as universal advice in dealing with reluctant homework completers, but rather look at the principle. A playful or light-hearted approach to parenting is often more persuasive than a heavy-handed one.

SEX EDUCATION

Another form of training is sex education. This should begin early, according to the readings, well before the teen- age years. Parents are encouraged to teach children the beauty of their sex and particularly the care of the body. The readings say that awareness of sex differences begins very young, when the child is two-and-a-half to three years old.

SPIRITUAL TRAINING

Nature is one avenue that can be both for sex education and spiritual training. One parent was told that nature was the best way to explain God to a child who is under twelve years of age. The point here is to show the child how each portion of nature is an expression of God in His activity.

Of course, the Bible is also recommended in child training. Interestingly, the readings say to focus particularly on the stories of Jesus as a child and the way He treated children during His ministry. The goal of spiritual training of the child is this:

Put [spiritual truths] in the hearts of thy children, that when they sit at meat [that is, mealtime], or when they rise to play, those tenets of the living God will be in their thoughts by night and by day.  2118-1

Although spiritual training should begin quite early, the readings identify the period from about ages eleven to sixteen as particularly crucial ones in the formation of ideals, which are likely to be a guiding influence for the rest of the child’s lifetime. Not only are ideals formed during these years but two other important changes take place: the endocrine gland secretions of puberty and the tendency for doubts to arise in the young person’s mind. This second item should be carefully considered by parents. The adolescent is putting aside childhood and beginning to form a separate identity. A natural part of that process is to doubt the assumptions that had been held during childhood. In many cases, considerable challenges can arise when the adolescent begins to doubt just how wise the parents really are or to what extent they should make all the decisions. Nevertheless, the most unsettling doubts are those which the adolescent has about himself or herself–questions of self- worth. In this regard parents can be of tremendous help, especially with consistent support and encouragement, no matter how difficult teenagers may become.

During the teen-age years the Bible is still to be an important tool for spiritual training. The readings suggest that for this age group Bible study can focus on examination of Biblical characters in terms of their virtues and faults. In other words, seeing the humanness of these people who tried to follow God’s way can help the adolescent deal with conflicting self-images. This is also the first age group for which the readings specifically mention working with meditation.

PRE-SLEEP SUGGESTIONS

One of the great tools to use in raising a child-of any age-is pre-sleep suggestion. As the child is falling asleep, the parents can gently and softly repeat for several minutes positive suggestions related to behavioral or attitudinal changes. It is important to make these suggestions while the child is in that halfway state between wakefulness and deep sleep. For children who are old enough to understand, there should be a discussion in advance of what is being done.

The unconscious mind is particularly open to suggestion during this transitional period. Suggestions should describe the behavior or attitude desired, as opposed to negating the undesirable conditions. For example, a positive suggestion would be, “You will have a dry bed tonight,” rather than, “You won’t wet the bed tonight.” Or, “You will get along well with your sister and know that God loves you both,” instead of, “You will stop having fights with your sister.”

It is best for this technique to be repeated regularly and for both parents to be present and participating. This approach to helping a child was recommended for a wide range of difficulties from simple behavioral changes to making a retarded child more manageable. These same readings also stress that the parents repare themselves for using this technique by: (1) reading Exodus 19:5, Exodus 20, and Deuteronomy 30; (2) discussing their ideals, purposes, and hopes as parents; (3) deciding exactly what changes they want for the child; and (4) writing out the suggestions in advance.

USING REINCARNATION AND DREAMS

In another type of advice to parents, the readings sometimes asked them to adopt the perspective of reincarnation in order to understand a child’s problem which seems to have no reason or cause. According to the Cayce readings, our children will sometimes exhibit fears, anxieties, or other emotional difficulties that seem to have no basis in experience from this lifetime. When confronted with such a baffling problem, parents must often resort to prayer as well as a willingness to be patient and consistent in helping the child (that is, the soul) through a difficulty which is apparently deep within the unconscious, a difficulty that may be hundreds or even thousands of years old.

Some parents also use their dreams to help them understand the problems of their children. Dreams could give insights into the hidden origins of a troublesome situation or they could alert the parent to circumstances before they arise. Similarly, parents are encouraged to listen to the dreams of their children. It is usually not necessary to try to interpret the dreams intellectually for the child. Merely the act of listening encourages the child to pay attention to and appreciate the inner world.

Finally, the readings advise parents that the home is a two- way street. Not only do parents guide and train their children but children are often attracted to particular parents because they have something helpful to give them. As parents, we must be open to receive as well as to give. Perhaps there is no greater advice to parents than the suggestion to recognize and appreciate how blessed our lives are by these children having come to us.

EXCERPTS FROM THE READINGS

Q. It was given [in a reading] on August 27,1930, that in development of self, a dramatic career would be a channel for development and for success that would be rather phenomenal and well.

A. [Interrupting] As has been outlined, and as was given above, it is a channel-but what a channel! A phenomenal success, yea-in the eyes of the world, yea. In the body of the soul, with two ways set before thee, what wilt thou choose? Yea, a success and a development of the mental forces may be attained through such channels, but-as we have given–the home is the greater development for any soul. For, in the material world it is the nearest akin to that expression, “I prepare a place, that where I am there ye may be also.”  349-17

Q. How can I help my son mentally?

A. Instilling the Christ principles as the basis for his judgments, for his decisions, in his dealings with every problem, good, bad, or indifferent, that arises within his experience.

For, as has been given, train the child in the ways he should go–of the Lord–and in his age he will not depart from under the shadow of His hand.  1125-3

Be patient. Do not scold. Do not speak harshly. Do not fret nor condemn the body-mind [a four-year-old daughter]. But do tell it daily of the love that Jesus had for little children, of peace and harmony; never those stories such [as] of the witch, never those as of fearfulness of any great punishment; but love, patience.  3162-1

Then, if the directions through the formative years [an eleven-year-old boy]–the next four or five–are to the activities of a spiritual nature, or towards a mindfulness and thoughtfulness of the entity as to spiritual things, great may be the accomplishments of this entity during this experience.

On the other hand, if the spiritual laws and spiritual truths are neglected in the guiding of this entity through such periods, many a sorrow may come to those who have neglected and do neglect that which is the command, the injunction to every parent!  1700-1

…the condition that exists in the present as related to the relationships in sex…is from the lack of education in the young before their teen-age years! …[do] not wait until they have reached or arrived at that position where they begin to study physiology, anatomy or hygiene. But even in the formative years there should be the training in these directions, as a portion of the material things. Even as the child studies its letters, let a portion of the instructions be in the care of the body, and more and more the stress upon the care in relation to the sex of the body and in the preservation of that as to its relationships to its Creator.  826-6

Q. Any other advice?

A. Remember, the attitude is the main purpose–and the willingness to be the channel; not merely for the gratification of self–or that there may be offspring, but wholly to the glory of the Father through the Christ.  457-8

Q. …Should it be said that this pattern [made by the parents at conception] attracts a certain soul because it approximates the conditions that soul wishes to work with?

A. It approximates conditions. It does not set. For, the individual entity or soul, given the opportunity, has its own free will to work in or out of those problems as presented by that very union. Yet the very union, of course, attracts or brings a channel or an opportunity for the expression of an individual entity.

Q. Does the incoming soul take on of necessity some of the parents’ karma?

A. Because of its relative relationship to same, yes. Otherwise, no.  5749-14

Then as [the child] is going to sleep, let the parents…together…make suggestions to the body [a retarded child]…

…take thy troubles to thy Maker, as in thy suggestions appeal to the Divine within this developing body…

Begin first to prepare self by reading Exodus 19:5. Know that this is speaking to each of you–the parents. Then read Exodus 20, especially the first eighteen verses giving the commandments, and these are to be not merely literally but spiritually applied in self.

Then read Deuteronomy 30 and apply these admonitions in self.

This will give the parents the background, the purpose and the ideal for which and through which they would prepare themselves to give the suggestions necessary for this body.

Do that.  5022-1

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