Children Handbook

For the Love of Children
A Handbook
Concepts & Tools for Guiding Children
Based on the Edgar Cayce Readings

Compiled by the A.R.E. Youth and Family Staff

Chapter 3

The Cayce readings indicated that Will is one of the primary God-given attributes of the soul. It is the motivating power that allows self-determination and choice. Through will the soul may use or abuse the Creative Force within. The readings were emphatic that during the formative years (the first 12-14 years), parents must carefully and sensitively guide the child’s will until he or she can use it appropriately to guide the self. Neither coddling their child nor breaking the will with force, parents need to find creative ways to reach their child’s inner self, enlist the self’s choice to work with its highest purpose, and guide the child to choose, focus, and act based on that ideal.

Keying to Personality

Suggestions in the Cayce readings for guiding the will were for the most part given for specific children and therefore, as in all the readings for individuals, they were keyed to the particular needs of each person. However, Carolyn DiPaolo in her book Teaching for Wholeness has categorized a number of types of children by temperament and personality, along with general directions from their ;individual readings that would suggest methods for training the will in that type of child. To use the following list (drawn from Teaching for Wholeness), first observe your own child and note recurring types of behavior or temperament, look at the list for some suggested compatible guiding principles, go within yourself to see whether those techniques seem appropriate for you to use with your child, and try those methods, considering also the other sections of this chapter.

Temperament Types

Argumentative Child: Always give reasons, positively but firmly stated. [1208-1]
Artistic Child: Compliment artistic tendencies to foster greater interest in that field. [2459-1]
Determined Child: Train equally in the spiritual, mental and physical for clear decision making. [2824-1]
Emotionally Harsh Child: Guide in demonstrations of softer nature; reach with music. [1227-1]
Even-Tempered Child: Keep activities balanced; no excessiveness in any direction. [628-1]
Fearful Child: Be patient; never scold; love gently. [3162-1]
Fearless Child: Use reason, persuasion, and firmness to guide actions. [2542-1]
Gifted in Arts: Lead to express for the higher good, not selfish reasons. [5398-1]
Grudge-Bearing Child: Replace “getting even” attitude with determination to excel. [305-3]
Inferiority Complex: Use love and immediate explanations; use blue and white colors to temper the problem. [2683-1]
Intuitive Child: Guide with love and teach to use inner knowledge practically. [1911-1]
Moody Child: Give balance in activities and model the “truth” concepts for her. [1939-1]
Psychic Child: Allow the child to express the psychic ability; enlist a professional at age 6. [3069-1]
Reasonable Child: Kindness will guide, scolding will not. [1635-3]
Sadistic Child: Help child to get more perspective on use of will power. [4211-1]
Sensitive Child: Train with love and gentleness; will respond to art and music. [559-7]
Strong-Minded Child: Teach self-control; guide by reason and occasionally use force. [2148-7]
Strong-Willed Child: Train to act for constructive purposes. [1417-1]
Stubborn Child: Train the child by love and reason, not by driving him. [1417-1]

Personality Types

Adventurer: Connect purpose with the innate need to travel, stability with adventure. [2661-1]
Backward Child: Protect from being imposed on bring out by activities in nature and the arts. [2607-1]
Critical Child: Direct his critical manner in constructive ways. [1700-1]
Doubter: Build belief with experiences; use patience and persistence. [1647-1]
Drifter: Stress constructive reasons for actions; direct his formulated plans by comparison. [1426-1]
Easily Discouraged: Help child to set goals with a meaningful purpose. [2572-1]
Easily Led Child: Guide to express self in emotions and abilities. [1206-3]
Extremist: Give stability, purposefulness, and spiritual perspective; give training to direct emotions. [2005-1]
Free Thinker: Train to make beliefs practical in application. [857-1]
Independent Child: Give a balanced routine and do not leave totally to own activities. [773-1]
Leader: Guide the thinking to include purposeful actions, not just self-glory. [1332-1]
Meddler: Guide his enthusiasm of seeking relationships into channels of usefulness. [2890-2]
Neglectful Child: Approach work in a sequential way for attention to details. [3204-1]
Outdoor Child: Allow nature and outdoor activities to dominate his younger years. [1788-3]
Quick Learner: Train to watch for details; use reasoning. [2308-1]
Quick Learner: Balance the mental activities with the physical activities. [4084-1]
Rigid Child: Balance exactness with a sense of humor. [2648-1]
Self-Conscious Child: Give reasons for rules; teach to listen and speak in consideration of others. [2922-1]
Serious Child: Aid in seeing and giving pleasant surprises to others; be imaginative. [1647-1]
Slow Learner: Compliment; encourage unusual memory; train in purposefulness; use sequential steps. [305-3]
Slow Learner: Allow the subconscious impressions; give time to coordinate ideas. [758-27]
Teasing Disposition: Take away privileges to curb teasing. [758-27]

Choice and Purposeful Activity

In any child the will manifests to a greater or lesser degree. One whose will is weak or broken needs to be encouraged to develop a stronger desire or determination gradually, through purposeful activity directed toward a goal the child is interested in. For a child whose will is especially strong, the Cayce readings encouraged giving the child choices within limits, to allow her or him to grow by positive, helpful use of the strong desires, hopes, and emotions that are already part of the self.

The following are suggestions for guiding choices and purposeful activity.

For children who need stronger wills:

Read or tell stories of children or heroes who had strong desires and used them for good.
Encourage your child in areas where there is already an interest, to build on that desire.
Help your child have an interesting purpose for doing things of little interest (e.g., get himself dressed so you can take the beach walk.)
Lovingly explain exactly why certain things are needed when one is in this material world.
Help your child see some of the choices or alternatives. He or she may need training in seeing that there is a choice or a purposeful goal.
Break activities into small steps so that your child understands each step. Set attainable goals.
Offer a few (usually two) choices at first, gradually giving a greater number of choices and more responsibility in reaching a goal (e.g., in making bread, let your child choose to pour or stir ingredients, wash or put away utensils, etc.; after using this procedure many times, have him or her choose several actions at one step of the recipe, doing more and more of each step, until s/he can do it all him/herself).
Encourage often; praise even small achievements.
Be patient, kind, gentle, and joyous!

For strong-willed children:

Read or tell stories about benevolent, powerful heroes who used their desires for peaceful, harmonious, helpful purposes.
Help your child plan constructive projects that s/he finds exciting, following through step by step.
Tell your child about family plans ahead of time, and if possible, give her or him choices between two options within the plans. This develops his/her reliance on his or her own choice and gives a sense of why one does things a certain way.
Be positive! Demonstrate positive expressions of will yourself!
Help your child role-play or imagine how s/he would act in certain situations.
Be thankful for your child’s well-developed determination, desire, emotional capacity, and give him/her plenty of avenues to express them in helping others.
Compliment your child each time you notice that s/he uses the will constructively him/herself.

Creative Discipline

The Cayce readings indicated that strong-willed children in particular needed to learn to discipline their wills under the tutelage of loving, firm, creative parents. The soul at birth already has a pattern of using its will. Parents do well not to take away from what has been built within the soul already but to add to it positively by observing the individual, analyzing the child’s strengths and manners of expression, raising the child’s awareness of his/her actions, and finding ways to guide the child into making more and more positive choices in the self, for purposeful, useful expressions and deeds.

The following are suggestions for creative discipline, geared to helping your child set boundaries and channel his/her energy positively.

Teach your child to use calming activities: a regular daily quiet time, meditation and prayer; spontaneous times like counting to five, going off by him/herself, playing soft music until calm.
Keep often before yourself, humbly, and before your child, that you are both working toward making your wills one with the Father’s will. Let your ideal rule your own focus of will in every daily activity.
Use calming methods yourself so that you deal positively with your child and can analyze objectively what are his/her underlying intents or emotions in a given situation.
Establish general daily routines at home for a sense of external order (though not so rigid that they can’t by changed for a minute!)
Genuinely listen to your child, and make sure you understand what s/he is both saying and meaning.
Kindness goes further than stress. Kindly but firmly take away privileges rather than resorting to anger or physical punishment.
Take time to explain carefully why some things must be. Reason and counsel are the best directors.
Always give reasons for any correction, explaining the moral influences.
Enlist your child’s help and cooperation whenever possible. See yourselves as loving allies.
Help your child understand the consequences of actions and choices. Discuss, imagine, role play consequences.
Encourage your child to search for the appropriate actions in a given situation him/herself.
Temper, determination, and strong will should not be blocked but directed to make a choice within limits or channeled into some creative, positive outlet (e.g., “It’s time to go; do you want to bring those with you or leave them here?”)
Share with your child beforehand what is expected in various situations. This will set positive boundaries for behavior.
Have a special time to talk over the day’s events in a nonjudgmental atmosphere: discuss choices, consequences, emotions, creative activities, possible substitute actions for poor choices; give encouragement.
Give positive suggestions to your child, and encourage her/him to repeat them.
Direct your child to self-awareness of his/her actions in a nonjudgmental way, and praise Quality Actions (times your child knowingly demonstrates a disciplined will.)

Presleep Suggestion

Presleep suggestion was mentioned in the Cayce readings as an extremely helpful tool for parents to use in aiding their children to develop constructive patterns, change disruptive behaviors, learn more easily, and express their creativity more fully. The repetition of positive statements to the child as he or she goes to sleep instills in the subconscious mind a suggestion that will then become the experience of the child when awake. By using presleep suggestions, parents can call upon the Divine within the child–that which is whole and perfect–to become manifest in body and mind and bring about positive, lasting change. In this way, parents can work with the child on creating solutions through the subconscious instead of locking horns in a battle of wills on the conscious level.

Through these presleep suggestions parents can work in cooperation with the child’s subconscious mind to help address an area of concern to or for the child. This might be a behavior that needs to be changed, such as thumb sucking, bedwetting, or poor posture. It might also be feelings or emotions that hinder the child by getting in the way of learning or of positive experiences, such as high anxiety during math lessons. Other possibilities might for adjusting to new surroundings, for preparation for teeth straightening or another medical procedure, to develop the child’s concept of morality, to develop spiritual and mental normalcy, to build a better moral and spiritual life to make for physical normalcy, or to bring coordination among the spiritual, mental, and physical in order to correct a physical problem.

The readings suggested that parents should prepare themselves for using the technique by (1) pondering Exodus 19:5, Exodus 20, and Deuteronomy 30; (2) discussing their ideals, purposes, and hopes as parents; (3) deciding exactly what changes they want for the child; and (4) writing out the suggestions in advance. Focusing on one theme at a time, the suggestions should be prayerfully given. Parents might also consider praying for guidance in developing the suggestions, which should be in keeping with heir highest spiritual ideal.

Phrase the suggestions in such a way as to direct the child toward greater balance in his or her situation or behavior. For example, when working with a child who wets the bed at night, one suggestion might be, “______________ (child’s name), you can control your body even as your sleep. You enjoy the feeling of waking up in the morning in a warm, dry bed.” To help relieve feelings of anxiety at school, parents might try something like, “You can feel peaceful and at ease in school. You enjoy learning and can relax as you take in new information.”

It is important to use only positive statements for presleep suggestions. Avoid using negative words such as no, don’t, or never. Focus on the positive resolution of the situation rather than on the condition. Express the solution and feeling as though they were already true.

For the child to experience the greatest possible benefit from presleep suggestions, parents should read the suggestions together whenever possible. The Cayce readings suggested that the love and attention directed toward the child at this time is part of the healing process.

These suggestions should be given during the 15 to 20 minutes as the child moves from wakefulness to sleep, when the body is fully relaxed but has not moved into deep sleep. Use the child’s name when giving these suggestions, and touch the child while they are being given. Keep your voices soft and relaxed, and repeat each suggestion three to five times. This allows the child’s subconscious to assimilate the information.

According to the readings, presleep suggestions should be given in a cycle: each night for three or four nights in a row, then left off for three or four nights, then on again for that same amount of time. Continue with the cycle until some change has been experienced by the child.

Remember that presleep suggestions should always be given prayerfully, in a spirit of love and cooperation, and with the intent of creating the greatest possible good for the child.

Cooperation

The Cayce readings emphasized that working with others (both adults and children) for achieving a mutual, spiritually based goal is an important avenue for developing a balanced focus and a loving, useful, and growth-filled life. Sharing, loving, and working together helps each of us grow on all levels.

The following are suggestions for helping your child toward a strong sense of cooperation in his or her life.

Teach your child attune to God through prayer and meditation; then help him or her experience the joy of giving that peace and love to others.
Guide your child to understand the concept of cooperation through your own cooperation with her or him in work projects and play.
Help your child imagine putting him/herself in another person’s shoes.
Arrange for your child to have small responsibilities at home that are viewed as helpful to and in cooperation with the entire family.
Set your ideal in the light of the Christ, and help your child to do the same. When you are working together, suggest that you are doing this work both for and with the Christ.
Help your child imagine and understand what others might be thinking or feeling inside when they cooperate (or when they don’t!)
Let cooperation be a natural extension of saying, “I love you.”
Watch cooperative actions in nature (e.g., an ant colony, birds who are nesting).
Sing about cooperation while you work; encourage each other.
Notice and point out times and qualities of unity and common purpose, between you and your child, and between your child and others working with her or him.
Choose a common cooperative goal or task, seek oneness in it, and work together to achieve it.
Observe your child, noting strengths and also what is needed for more harmony, more awareness and more unified action in cooperative efforts.
Do something kind together regularly for others in need–a kind visit, a cooperative card, food prepared together.
Give anecdotes about, and practice in, being patient with others.
Practice making new friends.
Give your child opportunities and encouragement for both role play and real life experiences in having friends and cooperating with them.
Use some of the suggestions in KIDS CAN COOPERATE.
Hold up your cooperative efforts daily to God, praying with your child that you may both be channels of His love to and with others.

Emphasizing the Spiritual

Over and over, Edgar Cayce’s readings emphasized that a soul’s first responsibility is to know itself in relation to God. If the will is directed through the spiritual dimension, through an ideal that embodies the soul’s highest purpose, then great soul growth can take place. The Cayce readings constantly held up before parents the necessity of making sure the will was directed to the highest purpose.

The following are suggested for helping your child keep his or her will focused on the ideal and the spiritual dimension of the self.

Pray, meditate, and use dreams for guidance, and teach your child to do this both with you and by him/herself.
Have a regular time when you tell stories, use guided visualization, relate true incidents, or give interesting suggestions that have to do with spiritual concepts.
Use, and teach your child to use, the spiritual decision-making process. (Ask yourself a question of importance in a way that it can be answered Yes or No; make a rational decision in your conscious mind, Yes or No; check to see it this decision is in keeping with your spiritual ideal; go in to meditation, attune to the Source, and ask the question this in the silence, Yes or No; listen for the answer; measure the answer again beside your ideal; act on that decision.)
Listen to and observe your children; use their highest concepts, understandings, and expressions as the spiritual “seeds” for generating purposeful stories, reveries, projects, and deeds.
Create a family journal of favorite spiritual concepts, stories, poems, sayings, suggestions.
Guide your child to choose her/his ideal and make suggestions for activities that exemplify that.

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